Seriously, why are Academics so hostile?
Leaving Academia is hard. Whether it’s your choice or your lack of choice, it’s hard.
But one of the things that I have discovered, and that I am learning to believe, is that in the “Real World,” most people don’t treat you horribly for no good reason. In the “Real World,” strangers (passing as colleagues) don’t insult your work and work ethic despite knowing nothing about you. In the “Real World,” strangers don’t go out of their way to tell you that you are a Failure.
Seems like a crazy, radical idea… be nice, or don’t; live, or let live. Don’t instinctively destroy.
(It was crazy inside Academia.)
And it was worse as a woman. Damn right, it was.
I had my fair share of hostile female colleagues, but the men… well, sorry, Guys, but male academics don’t get the benefit of my doubt when they try to tear female academics down.
So when I encountered someone today — for the first time in years — a stranger, an academic, someone I’ve never met, who went out of his way to devalue my passions, demean my work ethic, and declare himself the authority to decide that I was no good, I was stunned.
I had forgotten (mostly) how awful that makes me feel; how deeply doubt can fester; how quickly I can be made insecure.
The difference is, I don’t need to take this anymore!
So how to formulate a response to this academic attitude of “destroy” as it seeps into my Real World?
Do I let him know how offensive it is to assume negative things about people in normal society? Do I point out to him that I am smart enough to read the discipline-specific insults lobbed my way? Do I retaliate and highlight lists of errors in his own academic work?
No.
I remind myself, as I do on darker days, that being out of Academia makes me healthier, happier, and calmer; that I like myself a lot more; that I like the people out here a lot more, too. That in the Real World, this is not how people treat each other… and it’s just so nice to be here!
Rather than let my “failures” bring me down, today’s encounter reminds me that my “failures” can also lift me up, once I realize they are in his head, not mine. And he’s really not important in my life!
